Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Death Whispers

I blushed, a rarity for me these days, and seeing Jamie I couldn't help it. I swear the man made me feel seventeen sometimes. He grinned at me like he'd never seen anything more beautiful. I didn't see it. He was two days early, so I was in my favorite Nightmare Before Christmas t-shirt and ripped up jeans. I didn't even have shoes on, but I couldn't hold back my own verison of the same goofy grin. He'd been away for six months, the longest we'd been apart since we'd met. I'd broken the rule, I'd fallen head over heels for my best friend's brother. It wasn't like I'd planned it. It was totally by accident. I'd been handling my innocent little crush fine, until I'd walked in the kitchen and caught him doing the sock dance from Risky Business. That was all it had taken. I was hooked. He'd sported a cocky grin, and said my Spongebob tank was hot. I'd just stood there with my coffee like a kid who had just found their favorite cartoon on. Two days later, we'd had our first date, and six months later, we'd had our own place. It had fallen into place like the stars had planned it themselves, and not like I'd sneaked downstairs early for coffee. There was only one problem most people couldn't over look, he was nearly ten years older than I was. He'd been 26. I'd been almost 18. They didn't understand that he'd fought it for at first for that very reason. I didn't care about the difference. I loved him, and that's all that mattered to me. It was almost four years later, and I still got butterflies when he walked through the door. I knew now how rare that was. It made the age difference even less important.

I grinned like an idiot seeing those bright blue eyes and black hair, and laughed as my feet hit the floor again. I was planning on dressing up when I picked him up at the airport, but seeing his face now, it would've done no good. I was currently being picked up and carried back to the bedroom, and we didn't even make it that far. Dress or jeans, it didn't matter, they'd lasted all of five minutes after he got home. There was time to make up for, six months we hadn't seen each other, and it showed. My favorite shirt ended up in two pieces on the floor, and his had most of the buttons missing now. It was rough, it was sensual, it was slow, it was perfect.It was all the things it should have been after so long and more. I couldn't imagine how I'd gone without him for so long. My hands were shaking, my breath was ragged, and I was tangled in a blanket being given slow, lazy kisses on my neck two and a half hours later. That's when the doorbell rang, and I sighed,

"Ignore it, maybe they'll go away."

He grinned against my neck,

"Good idea. Clothes are just not sounding good right now."

"Hmm Mmm," I agreed worming closer to him, "Clothes bad, naked good."

The doorbell sounded again, and I groaned a little as he crawled away to see who it was. I pulled on his old white button up shirt, and leaned in the door to the narrow hallway. I grinned at the man at the door. It was Red, James Rieley to be more precise, but it was all too confusing to be around two James' at the same time. So I called him Red, because of his hair. It was long, naturally red and half way down his back. It just fit. I couldn't help but notice his quick look over of me and the living room, and I couldn't fight the grin that spread over my face. He and Jamie did that guy thing where they kind of bump shoulder instead of hugging. I've never understood that, wouldn't a hug hurt less? He pulled me into a hug that smelled like Aspen and peppermint, and looked me over with a glance at Jamie,

"You didn't even give her time to breathe, did you, man?"

"Didn't matter to me," I grinned at the images that came rushing back to me, "It's more fun that way."

He just shook his head and grinned,

"You sure I can't borrow her for a week or two?"

Jamie laughed, shaking his own head,

"We've been over this, the only place you can borrow her is here."

He just laughed,

"Damn, worth a shot anyway."

I was headed to the kitchen for coffee, it was still early and nobody here was a morning person. I poured the water into the coffee maker, listening to them both bitch about what was on the news. I couldn't hide that smile, you know that everything's-finally-back-to-normal-smile. Alright, it might be a girl thing, but I couldn't seem to fight it off smelling the coffee brew while they complained about the traffic without even leaving the house. It was as close to normal as any of us got, this was the morning ritual, and I'd missed it. Red had still come over, but without Jamie the scene had just been incomplete. All that was missing now was for Shari to come bouncing through the door with her usual I'm-far-too-perky-for-it-to-be-this-early-grin. The thought stopped me for a moment, I missed Shari, we hadn't really talked since me and Jamie had moved in together. She seemed to think I'd betrayed some kind of sacred trust, and I couldn't get her to understand that you can't help who you fall in love with. I didn't have the guts to tell her that I wouldn't trade one second with Jamie for all the time in the world with anyone else. I was where I was supposed to be, and that was what I wanted. I mean, how do you explain to your best friend that she's supposed to be happy for you if she doesn't understand?

I shook it off, heading back to the living room doing the I'm-trying-to-carry-one-too-many-cups-of-really-hot-coffee-dance on the way. You know, the one where you walk super slow and hope to whoevers up there you don't accidently spill the steaming stuff all over yourself. It was an easy dance after almost four years of doing it, but the dance is still nerve wracking. I put the coffee on the table and couldn't hide the grin on my face. The sight before me was so blissfully normal that I was tempted to revisit some old territory to see just how back to normal it all was, but I curled up on the couch between the two of them instead. Which just reminded me even more of the normality that hadn't been in so long. I told myself to focus, and just enjoy having the whole gang back together. It was the best feeling in the whole world right now, and better for the fact that none of us had anything we had to do today. It was Scary Movie Saturday, which ment New York Style Pizza, way too much Beer, and cheesy ass scary movies until we all ended up alseep on the couch to keep from having to sleep alone. It was my night to get the supplies, which consisted of a entire trip to Pizza Hut, the liquor store, and the super market. I know torturous Saturday afternoon, huh? It was the same normal afternoon when I got back to the apartment, but the sight I found may have sent any other woman into a whole new kind of shock, but for us this was normal. I put the pizza and beer on the table, and headed toward the sound only I found to be sexy considering my fiance was in there.

I leaned in the door, refusing to interupt the goings on, watching instead of jumping in the middle. I know what you're thinking, and no it wasn't the neighbor's dog walker or anything. It was someone we both knew better than her. I stood there with a grin, watching all that long red and black hair meshing together as the sounds and scents of pleasure roamed through the air. It wasn't until they both collapsed on the bed that they actually glanced in my direction. I held no grudge, when I was pressed against one of them, you could've started World War III and I would've been none the wiser to anything.

"You know you could've climbed in with us, babe," Red pulled me into the bed with a grin, "It's odd with just two out of three."

"I hate to admit I didn't even notice you standing there," Jamie kissed me with a smirk.

"You were preoccupied," I laughed, being pinned to the bed as my neck was nibbled by Red, "I have to say, I can understand the dilemma, it's easy to get distracted."

"I can see that," He shivered watching Red run his long fingers down my sides as kissed me, "You better be careful, baby, lest we all get distracted."

I glanced up at Jamie, biting my lip as Red kissed and nipped his way down my neck. Watching that dark look pass through his eyes as trailed his fingertips down my face. I managed to pull my thoughts back together even with a set of hot lips running down me enough to remember the food and beer in kitchen, which I will admit was not an easy task as well as he used those lips,

"We're about to have cold pizza and hot beer if we don't get outta this bed."

Red licked a slow lazy circle around my belly button and looked up at me with a grin,

"Then it's a good thing we have a microwave and fridge, huh?"

I was suddenly pulled into Jamie's lap, seeing his eyes heavy with a mass of emotion, as Red kissed me with a lust heavy enough to pull it out of the air. Jamie pulled me away from Red's ripe lips, and laughed,

"If the beer gets warm, you won't drink it, and we all know what happens if you hit the Jack, man."

Red grinned and rolled me on my back, licking lazily up my tattoo with his eyes on Jamie,

"So why don't you go put it in the fridge and I can keep her warm while we wait."

"Or, and here's an idea," Jamie crushed his lips against Red's with a low groan, "I could keep her warm and you could put it in the fridge."

"I could put it in the fridge," I purred a little watching them.

"No," They both said at once, crushing their lips together again.

I wiggled enough to lick a slow line down Red's stomach as he kissed Jamie, keeping my eyes on the two of them. I watched with a soft sigh as Red's lips trailed down Jamie's neck, but his eyes were locked on me. I kissed my way down his hips, running my nails lightly down Jamie's back. Jamie's head fell back with a low groan, almost a growl at the sensation of the two of us. I lowered my lips over Red with a moan, watching Red kiss down Jamie's chest as I worked him into a near frenzy. I felt Jamie's lips on my neck and shoulders as I worked my lips over the warm tender flesh of Red, letting out a moan as he hit the tender spot on my neck. I felt Red growl before he pushed me back, sending me onto Jamie's chest. My eyes fluttered shut when Jamie's hands started to roam over my body as Red worked his way into me with a groan. My senses were in overload at the scent of Jamie and Red's skin mingling with the scent of mine as Jamie's fingers found that sweet spot between my thighs as Red pushed and worked his way inside me. I pulled Red's lips to mine in a frantic kiss that sent us into a frenzy of moans, lips, touches, tingles and everything that I'd missed so much over the past six months.

Another couple hours later, I lay collapsed against the bed again, Red collapsed against my chest, and Jamie collapsed against Red's back. We were trying to regain the ability to walk, and apparently none of us had, because we were all still laying tangled together on the bed arguing over who had to go get the pizza. I was crushed against the bed under them both, so I wasn't going anywhere until one of the let me up. I'd be lying my ass off if I said I wasn't happy as hell about it, cause whoever's up there knows I was in I'm-a-lazy-kitten-pet-me-mode at the moment. Red pulled his head up just enough to kiss me and grin,

"Now, I'm hungry."

"So does that mean I should feed you?" I kissed Jamie's lips as he stirred awake with a sexy smirk.

"I think it means, we all need to go refuel so we don't collapse without any hard work," Jamie kissed over Red's shoulders, "Hard work, but work I have to admit work I never mind to do."

"So that means we have to get out of bed," I sighed comfortably, "I'm so not diggin' that idea right now."

I sighed as Jamie crawled off the bed and pulled his jeans back over his hips, and Red followed en suite. I groaned at being left alone on the bed, pulling myself off it and grabbing my shorts.I watch with a cat with cream grin as the two of them shuffled out of the room toward the kitchen. I pulled my yellow tank top back over my head, seeing Jamie wonder back into the room and pull me into his arms with a soft smile,

"I have missed you so much. I love you."
I'll admit, I still melted everytime he said it even after four years, and was fighting that girlie giggle as I kissed him and smiled back,

"I loved you too."

He grinned and pulled me up onto his back, getting to the kitchen just as Red shoved the beer into the fridge with a grumble,

"I hate warm beer. Why didn't we put that in the fridge?"

"Because we were all deliriously distracted at the moment," I hopped down and popped some pizza in the microwave, and hopped up on the counter, "Somebody go pick a movie."

"Your turn, man," Red leaned against the counter with a grin, "We've picked for six months. Something gory."

"How about Nightmare On Elm Street?" Jamie came at me moving his fingers menacingly, "The man with the knives."

I jumped and ran to hide behind Red,

"But he's so creepy! He kills you in your dreams, and that's just fucked up."

"But that just makes it better," Red mimiced Freddy Krugger along with Jamie, "One, two, Freddy's coming for you," He chased me into the living room as Jamie tackled me to the couch with a sinister grin.

"No fair, two Freddy's against one mere mortal!" I laughed, faking a fight to get up.

"Freddy's got you now," Jamie locked his lips against mine, "Can't get away."

"But Mr. Krugger," I put a hand on my chest in faux shock, "What if my boyfriend finds out?"

"Then I'll just have to get him too," He kissed me again, and went to pop the movie in with a grin.

I laughed as Red plopped down on the couch next to me, doing the Freddy Kruger finger wiggle. I cringed. I couldn't help it. That movie was just the creepiest thing ever, I mean, who kills you in your dreams? I couldn't think of anything that should have never have been thought up more than that. I watched the scene with a shiver, as Jamie fell onto the couch on the other side of me with a grin, kicking his legs up in my lap.

"Hey, " I pointed to his feet, "I am not a foot stool, Mr. Graves."

"I don't know, babe," He leaned back and grinned bigger, "You make a pretty good one."

"At least my legs are useful," I laughed and took a big drink of my beer.

"I have to say," Red looked over at Jamie with a smirk, "I can think of a lot of things her legs better for than a damn foot stool."

I'll admit, even with our vast history of deprevity, the comment still brought forth a blush. Don't ask why, cause I know it makes no sense, but all the same I still sat there bright pink,

"Shut up, Red."

"Oooh, I got a blush out of her," Red grinned and got that devious look in his eye.

"We haven't caught our breath from last time," I shook my head at him, "And you've got that look already."

"Hey," Red looked at me with a grin, "You think that's all I think about?"

I perked a brow,

"You mean, It's not?"
"Of course not," He grinned bigger, "I gotta think about food sometimes too."

"Right," Jamie laughed, "The three basic needs, eatting, sleeping, and sex."

"You guys are encouragable," I laid back and laughed, "But I love you both."

Jamie raised a brow,

"But you love me more right?"

"Of course," I fibbed, I loved them both the same.

"You know you love me more," Red grinned over at me.

"Of course," I giggled at the glares from both of them, "I love you both the same! Can't we just leave it at that?"

"No," They both said in unison.

I cracked up, I couldn't help it. We'd all been together for nearly three years, and they still had this arguement. It was just too damn funny. I couldn't stop laughing, even as I saw the not-so-funny-looks I was getting from Jamie and Red.

"We have been together for this long ,and you guys still argue over who I love more. I guess it's not as funny as I think, but I think it's funny as hell."

"It's not that we care who you love more," Jamie pulled me into his arms with a grin, "We just have to know."

I shook my head and leaned against Jamie with a laugh. I was happy, and I had the perfect life. I had no way of knowing that it would soon come crashing down around me. It was a night like any other when it happened, and it was like life split down the middle, because the before and after were like two seperate realities that couldn't possibly be the same.

I guess I should start the day of the accident, that's where it all really began. It was a morning like any other. I'd woken up delieriously content and untangled myself from Jamie and Red's arms long enough to make some coffee and scramble up some eggs for everybody. I headed out the living room doing the dance of don't-let-me-spill-all-this-on-the-fresh-new-carpet till I set it all on the table.

"You know, guys, we really need a tray for all this," I put it all on the table.

"Nah," Jamie grinned and pulled me into a kiss, "You're a foot stool and a tray all in yourself, babe."

"How lucky I am to be so useful," I rolled my eyes with a laugh, sitting between the him and Red with a grin.

"We are some lucky sons of bitches, you know?" Red Looked over at me and Jamie with his coffee, "How many people can say they're in a kick ass relationship with their best friends?"

"Never really thought about it like that," I looked between the two of them, sipping my coffee, "But that is true, I mean, I get to curl up between two men I love every night. How lucky can a girl get?"

Jamie glanced at the clock and kissed me with sigh,

"We gotta get going or we're gonna be late. That chicken stuff for dinner, right?"

"Yeah, the chicken casserole," I kissed him and Red, "You guys be careful. That's highway's been crazy lately."

"Always are, Sweetness," Red kissed me and grinned following Jamie out the door.

I curled up on the couch, watching the man prattle on about the economy and the weather, and drifted off listening to a woman going on about the problems in the middle east. I woke up to sound of KC & Jojo, I pushed the button to get my cell to stop playing All My Life, and saw a text from Jamie. It was one of those simple, sweet messages that every girl loves. He'd stopped on his way home to text and tell me he loved me. I looked at the clock and sighed, It was five forty five, and Jamie and Red should've been home anytime. I went to stick the cassarole in the oven, and had set the table andoven mits on to get it out when my cell rang,

"Hello?"

"Yes, Is this Miss Lily Mason?" The woman on the line sounded professional.

"Yes, this is she," I suddenly had a tightness in my chest.

"This is Henrietta Nelson from Jackson Memorial Hospital, we have your fiance, A Mr. James Graves in our care," She explained, "We need you come down right away please."

"What happened? Is he okay?" The panic in my voice was clear.

"He's been invovled in an automobile accident with a Mr. James Rieley," She avoided the question, "And Mr. Rieley asked that we contact you after his release."

"Of course I'll be right there," I flipped my phone closed, grabbing my shoes and keys on the way out the door.

The drive to the hospital was a blur, a stressful ,this-cannot-possibly-be-real-blur. I took the turns without really seeing them, and drove in a near blind of tears as I pulled up to the doors of the Emergancy Room. Red was leaned next to the door when I got out. His arm was in a cast and the right side of his face was black and blue with bruises as I wrapped my arms around him,

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"Some guy in a Toyota fell asleep at the wheel. Bastard hit us head on. I gotta honest with you, babe. Jamie's in Intensive Care," He pulled me tight against him with his good arm, "It's not looking good for him, Lil."

I was trying not to fall apart. I mean, if Red was okay, then maybe Jamie would be to,

"Can I see him or is that not allowed?"

Red put an arm around me, leaning on me just a bit as we headed to the elevator. It was playing the horrid music that all of them seemed to. The smell of antiseptic was all around us, and it just reeked of death in this place. My hands were shaking as he hit the button for the fourth floor, and leaned his head against the wall. He should be at home resting. I should have been adult enough to handle this on my own, but I wasn't. The very thought of anything happening to Jamie brought a fresh rain of tears to my eyes. I looked over at him as he cringed and held his arm,

"You should go home and get some sleep. You're in no condition to be running around right now."

"I'm fine," Red gritted his teeth, "I'm not leaving you alone with this. You haven't seen him. You haven't seen what he'd hooked up to. I have."

I looked at him again as the elevator dinged and he leaned on my shoulder for support. The nurse asked for some id, then showed us to the Intensive Care Unit, going back to her station with a solem glance in our direction. I took a deep breath when the door buzzed open, and for all my talk of resting, let Red lead me to the weak beeping of a heart monitor. My mind refused to see him, it told me to look away, to save myself the tears that were falling faster and more steadily down my face as I saw a man who was so bruised and battered that I could barely tell who he was. It was the bracelet that told me it was him. The thick silver chain with harley that held it together. I'd given it to him for his birthday last year to make do with until he finally saved up enough to get a real one. I stood there with my heart breaking, it was impossible, it couldn't be real. Just last night, we'd all been watching movies and drinking beer. Life just couldn't turn around and make your best dream into your worst nightmare that fast, could it? I sat there all night, making up a thousand different realities where Jamie was okay. Allowing myself an illusion of control, I shouldn't have, but I did, even though it wasn't going to help.

Red saved me from delving deeper into a world where Jamie wasn't hooked up to machines and wires when he put his arm around me,

"You eat yet, Lil? You need to keep your strength up."
"I'm not hungry," I stared in Jamie's direction, my teary eyes unwavering from his still form in the bed.

"Come on, babe," He pulled me toward the door, "You starving yourself's not gonna help anything."

I didn't so much follow him as I let him pull me to the waitting room for something. I stood there with my mind still encompassed with images of the battered and bruised man I'd always thought was invinsible. I had been wrong, so damn wrong. He pushed a sandwich and a cup of coffee into my hand as we headed back down the hall. I nibbled at it and tossed it in the garbage. My stomach was not in the right state for food, and it only got worse when I heard a comotion up the hall as we turned the corner. I looked at the nurses in a panic, the one who'd shown us to the unit looked up with a grim look in her eyes, whispering to another nurse and nodding toward us. I took off at run, and ran inside the unit with Red trying to pull me back. I hit my knees when I heard the sound, that shrill sound of the line going flat.

"No," I screamed as Red fell into the room behind me, pulling me into his arms, "No, no, no, no, no, no."

"It's okay, it's alright, Lil," Red said over and over, but I didn't seem to hear him over the sound of my own voice turning from screams to sobs.

The nurses kept shouting to get us out of the room, but I couldn't move. My body just wouldn't work. I felt the nurses arms pulling at me when my vision started to blur. My mind was doing what it did best when something couldn't be real. It was taking me away. I slipped into the blessed blackness of oblivion while the ear shattering beep of the monitor sounded a flat line on the reason my heart beat.

The days before the funeral were a blur of tears, hugs, and stories of how vibrant Jamie had always been. I didn't tell stories, I didn't hug. I sat in bed and cried till my body ran out of tears, staring at the engagement ring on my finger. I could remember it like it was yesterday. The moonlit trees around us in the forest just outside of town as he'd dropped to his knee and said the only words he'd ever spoken that brought tears to my eyes. I could almost still take in the smell of his hair when picked me up and spun me around when I'd said yes with my eyes brimming with tears, and feel the mossy ground under me when we'd made love by the lake under a curtain of stars and rain. I laid there and mourned the loss of the only reason I'd been alive. I looked down at my phone and lost myself to another wave of tears. He'd sent the message that said he loved me just minutes before the crash, Red had told me. The last thing he'd done was told me how much he loved me, and it didn't help the fact that I was lost without him.

Before it even seemed like I had time to dry my eyes, I was standing in the cemetary with Red. I stared blankly at the final resting place of man I supposed to spend eternity with, and for the first time since his death I didn't cry. I don't know if I was starting to do the healthy thing and move on with the grieving process or if my body was just out of tears to let fall, but all the same I didn't shed a single tear. The ceremony was beautiful. The last thing they did was have the soon to be bride lay a rose on his casket before we dispersed. Everyone else went to his parents house for lunch and to give everyone a shoulder to cry on. I went home, I didn't have anymore tears to cry, so their was no reason for me to go.

I slid my purse to the floor and stepped out of my heels without even a thought to where they went. Jamie wasn't here anymore to say anything, so I didn't see how it mattered. The house was a mess, I hadn't eatten in three days, and I didn't care about any of it. I curled up on the couch in the dress Red had laid out for me, and didn't see anything but the ring on my finger. It had been his grandmothers, and when we'd gotten engaged his mother had insisted I take it. I was the first daughter in law she was going to have, she'd said, it only seemed fair. I kept flashing back to the text message, the normalcy of it all. It was just unfair, and as childish as that sounded it was what my mind kept coming back to. Jamie was only thirty, and we'd had plans. Didn't whoever was up there care about any of that? We were suppose to get married, have lots of babies, and watch each other get wrinkles that would tell a story. It just wasn't supposed to end here. It was supposed to go on, and without him I just didn't know how to do that.

The visions started about a week after he died. I would wake up and for a few seconds he'd be standing there just like he should have been. Red kept saying that it was just my mind's way of keeping him with me, of not losing him, and that to be happy I had to let him go. I didn't believe that. I thought it was his was of telling me he was still there watching over me, and for all the help from my friends, I wasn't getting any better. Weeks later, I was still laying in bed when I heard it. It was just a soft whisper at first, almost inconceivable if you weren't listening for it, but then it started to get louder. I broke down in tears everytime I heard it, which was more often than I'd like to admit. It sounded just like him, and I wracked my brain trying to figure out who or what it really was, because while the vision of him might comfort me, the sound of his voice was what I missed the most. He would know that, and there was no way he would torment me like that.

I was pulling on some jeans per Red's request seven weeks later. He'd insisted that food was a nessessity, and since I didn't have any in the house, we were going to get some. I didn't really care about food, then again I guess I really didn't really care about anything anymore. The world was just a bothersome gray whirlwind that I didn't care to be in,

"Red, come on, can't you just go pick something up? I don't see the point in me going."

He leaned in the door way,

"You're going because you're a human being, not a vampire. It's unhealthy to live in the dark and not eat. Just get your shoes on, Lil."

"Fine," I shoved my wallet into my purse, heading to the closet, "And for your information, I eat...and talk to people."

"Talking to the pizza guy and the woman who delivers chinese food is not the same thing as conversation," Red sighed and shook his head.

I reach for my shoes in the back of the closet, and pulled my hand back with a shiver,

"What the hell?"

Red stuck his head in the door way,

"What?"

"I could've swore I just felt someone touch me," I grabbed my shoes and headed back for the bed to put them on.

"You gotta let go of this ghost shit, babe," He pushed my hair out of my eyes, "It's not healthy."

"Maybe it was just a scarf or something," I shook it off, trying to act normal if only for Red's sake.

"You want me to take a look?" He nodded toward the closet.

"Red, if was something, it's a ghost, not a monster in the closet," I managed a laugh.

Red just raised a brow,

"I missed that sound. It's been weeks since I heard it."

I sighed, realizing with a start that I'd missed it too. Red was my best friend, he hadn't left my side even for a second. He'd been there when I woke up screaming from the nightmares, held me when I'd cried and couldn't seem to stop, and now he was pushing me outside when I needed him to. I didn't what I'd do if he hadn't been around,

"Yeah, me too. Where are we going?"

"I don't know. Jefferson Market sound alright to you?" He leaned back against the door frame with a peek of his normal grin.

"I guess so," I shrugged, "No where really sounds spectacular. You're making me go, remember?"
"Just get your pasty ass outside before you turn albino on me," He grinned full out, pushing me out the door.

"I'm going ,I'm going," I rolled my eyes, squinting when the light hit me, "Damn, I have been in there too long. When did we get flying cars on this block?"

" Everybody loves a smartass," He ushered me to the parking lot with a shake of his head, "Did you eat today?"
"I had a cup of coffee," I shrugged and slid into the car, turning on the radio.

"So we need to stop and eat too," Red slid in beside me and looked over at me,"I'm not trying to be an asshole. You just got me worried, babe."

"I know, Red," I laid my hand on top of his to distract him and stole his sunglasses, "I guess I could put forth a little more effort to not be such a hermit. It's just hard."

"I know, Lil," He grinned, "You better be glad I got two pairs of those or you'd be a blind hermit. I can't drive without them."

He wrapped his hand around mine, and pulled out into the street. I'd missed the city, I'd moved to New York when I was thirteen, and from the start my blood had ran the color of the concrete it was made of. I looked around, and rolled down the window. Hot dogs, pretzels, rainbows of people, and ten thousand different kinds of perfume, New York was the greatest city on earth, and for the last seven weeks, I hadn't seen more of it than the hallway of my apartment building. I looked over at Red and bit my lip,

"You think maybe we could stop at that pizza place for lunch?"

He looked over at me with a look of shock on his face before managing to hide it,

"Sure thing. Any where else?"

"You think he misses us?" I looked over at Red with a sigh.

"You kidding me, Lil?" He laughed, "That s.o.b.'s chillaxin' with Frank Sinatra and Kirk Cobain. He's got places to go, and people to meet."

I slumped a little in my seat, watching the world whiz by the window. He glanced over at me and sighed as he parked the car,

"Of course he misses you," He swallowed past a lump in his throat, "You were everything to him. You think you just forget about something like that?"
I pushed my door open and looked back at him with a deep sigh,

"I can't keep doing this, can I?"
"No," He pushed my hair out of my face with soft look, "You can't."

"He's really gone?" I glanced up at Red with a look of defeat.

"Yes," He nodded.

I cried, not rivers of tears, but cried for all the things we'd lost. I sat in the car and said good bye to the one of the men I loved, while the other one held me. We sat there for a while after my tears stopped. There were no promises or anything of the sort, but we agreed to take it one day at a time. It was the only way I'd ever be able to do it.

A year later, I was sitting in middle of Central Park with my arms around Red. Life was back to normal, We had coffee every morning, watched movies on Saturday nights, and hit the park on Sundays. Then I'd started having nightmares. I'd wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and Red would wrap me in his arms and talk to me till I fell back to sleep. Jamie was there, he was dying, and he was screaming for me to get out before the man who got him got me too. I'd shrugged it off. I didn't tell Red what the nightmares were about. He was all too happy were moving on and putting it behind us. I just wanted to forget about the whole thing, I was happy again, and it seemed like nothing could ruin it this time. But you ever notice how when you get comfortable, life seems to throw a curve ball your way to bring you back down to earth? I never thought about it, until the police started coming to the house to ask questions. They seemed to think Jamie had been murdered, and they'd found some things on him that didn't match the crash. That was the day I started trying to remember my dreams.

I sighed over my coffee at the officer,

"Officer Daniels, We've been over this a thousand times. We had coffee and scrambled eggs, watched the news, and then he and Red left for work."

"Red?" He flipped through his notebook, "Mr. James Rieley?"

"Yes, they left for work, and then next thing I knew I got a phone call from a nurse at the hospital that they needed me to be there right away," I hadn't offered him coffee, I wasn't encouraging him to stay.

"And the nurse was a Miss Henrietta Nelson?" He looked at me and scribbled something down, "And you say Mr. Rieley was waitting outside for you when you arrived at Jackson Memorial?"

"Yes," I sat on the couch looking at the clock, "Are we going to be much longer? My fiance will home soon, and I need to make dinner."

"Of course," He stood with a smile, "I'm sorry to have taken so long, Miss Mason. Thank you for your time."

"Feel free to drop by anytime," I watched him go to the door.

"If there's anything you can remember..." He started for the door knob.

"I'll be sure to call," I finished for him and opened the door for him as hint.

He sighed, and I closed the door behind him. I headed to the kitchen and pulled the steaks out of the fridge. It was Wednesday and Shari was coming over for dinner. So I was making some steak fajiti's as festive way of celebrating. We'd been talking again lately, and it was her favorite. I looked up at the clock as I was slicing the steak, and noticed Red coming through the door,

"Hey baby. Don't forget, Shari's coming over for dinner. So don't go running around in your pj's just yet."

He pulled me around and kissed me,

"I remember, sweetie. You've reminded me six times today."

"Well, I haven't seen her in a long time," I tossed the steak in the skillet, "I just want everything to go perfect."

"And I'm sure it will," He turned the heat down on the stove a little, "Just don't give yourself a heartattack with the perfectionism." "I'll do my best," I pulled one of the mini lemon tarts I'd made for dessert out and put it to his lips, "Taste."

"Mmm," He bit into it and nodded, "Very nice."

"Thank you," I nibbled at the other half of it, "And don't forget to..."

"Don't forget to put the good dishes out." He kissed me and laughed, "I know my job in it all, Mrs. Crocker."

"Am I getting wound up again?" I stuck the rolls in the oven, and flipped on the over head light.

"Just a touch," He shouted from down the hall, heading to change.

I laughed, flipping the steak and pepper stuff around in the pan, and pulling a bottle of wine out of cabinet. The peppers were sizzling in the pan along side the steak, and my stomach was growling. I hadn't eatten all day, and I was starving. I poured some tortilla chips in a bowl and put the queso dip in the microwave. I couldn't fight the smile when I heard Red from down the hall,

"Lil, where's my tie? The one with the little mexican guys playing the guitars?"

"In the top drawer next your underwear, baby," I pulled the rolls out after the little timer dinged.

"I got it," He shouted from the bedroom.

I shook my head and laughed, flipping the steak in the pan again, and pulled it off the stove eye. Red made his way to the living room just as I pulled my apron off and smoothed out my skirt,

"How do I look? Not too dressy, right?"

He smiled and pulled me into a kiss as the doorbell rang,

"You look beautiful, honey. Relax. I'll get it."

He jogged to the door and smiled at Shari,

"Hey, girl, How you been?"

"I been alright," She hugged him and smiled over at me, "I never thought I'd see the day that you were playing the happy home maker, Lil."

I ran to the door and hugged her,

"Shari, honey , you are glowing. How many months?"

"Three months and two weeks, " She beamed, running her hands over her stomach, "Don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, but it's got a healthy appetite. I can't seem to get full these days."

"Well, I made plenty," I laughed and waved her to the kitchen,"So no worries there, honey."

"Oooh, I smell steak and peppers," She headed to the kitchen and snuck a bite off the plate, "And it's medium rare."

Red leaned down and whispered on the way to the table,

"I think you did good."
"Me too," I whispered back with a laugh, "She's already digging into it, and she looks so beautiful."

He slid an arm around my shouldlers and shook his head,

"One step at a time, Sweetie. One step at a time."
I watched as Red pulled the plates out of the cabinet and set the table. I made Shari some tea, because in the midst of my whirlwind dinner making I'd forgetten she was pregnant, and sat wine out. I suppose Me and Red would just have to save it for later. Shari was already noshing on chips and dip when I got back to the table with her tea. I couldn't hold back the smile at the woman who'd been my best friend since I was fourteen eatting for what looked like four instead of two. It was just too funny considering that through most of our friendship she'd been a size three. I looked over at Red as we took a seat at the table and started filling our plates. He let out one of those this-food-is-so-good-growls as he bit into his fajiti and nodded in approval at me. I just shook my head and dived into my own food with a grin.

We were all sitting around the living room with coffee, decaf of course considering Shari's condition, with the original version of Night Of The Living Dead going. The night had gone off without a hitch. The food had been great, the conversation had been better, and we'd both found out that Shari was engaged. I must've been getting soft, cause I'd teared up just a little when she'd told the story of how he'd purposed. It was beautiful.

"How do you guys watch this stuff?" Shari grimaced at the images on the screen, "It's like watching a mass murder via satelite."

"It's black and white," I laughed with my coffee half way to my lips,"It's not even fake blood, it's hershey's sryup."

"People running and falling all over each other with chocolate running down their bodies isn't much better," She laughed, "It's kinda worse actually."

I was laughing so hard I had to put my coffee down to keep from spilling it all over me,

"Only you could take a movie about zombies eatting people and turn it into some weird sex fetish."

"It a rare gift," She grinned, kicking up her feet,"Some can dance, some can sing, I can make zombie flicks hot."

"You know, I never thought I'd say this," Red grinned and shook his head,"But can we please stop talking about sex. You ladies are sick."

"Not sick," I pulled a blanket down off the couch, "Just...creative."

"Fleshing eatting zombies with chocolate all over them," Red looked over at me with a grin, "Sick, baby, sick."

A sudden thud from the back of the house stopped the zombie debate. I looked over at Red, who was still staring down the hall,

"What the hell was that?"

"You guys stay here," He patted my leg before getting up, "I'm gonna go check it out."

I nodded, watching him head down the long hallway. He stopped about half way down and looked back at us,

"Hey, Lil, can you come here for a second?"

I headed down the hallway, not sure what I was supposed to be looking at until I saw what was in his hand. He had my ring. My old engagement ring was sitting between his fingers,

"I thought that was it your mom's old jewelry box. Wasn't it in the top of the closet?"

"Last I knew, yeah," He looked as confused as I did looking down at it, "You didn't get it down?"

"I haven't had it on since that day outside pizza parlor," I looked around for the rest of what had been in the case with it, "Where's everything else?"

"I have no idea," He turned to gold and diamond ring between his fingers, "I didn't get any farther than this."

I headed into the bedroom, flipping the overhead on,

"Did you leave the closet open?"

"No," He headed in behind me, "The whole case is still up there. If you got it out, I won't be mad, but don't lie to me about it."

"I didn't get it out," I headed to the closet to shut the door, "If I had, I'd just tell you."

"Well, it didn't float out here into the hallway on its own," He looked around the room with a roll of his eyes.

"I swear, I didn't get the damn ring out," I closed the door and turned my face to him, "If I was gonna lie, it would've been about the price of the couch, not getting a ring out of the closet."

"Everything alright, guys?" Shari stood in the door way with a look of concern on her face.

"Yeah," I took the ring and putting it back it's place in the jewelry box, "Just putting something up."

"You guys were arguing over where to put something back up?" She raised a brow at the two of us, "Doesn't matter. I got a sonogram in the morning, so I gotta take off. You guys take it easy. Picture placement isn't that important."

"I know," I lied, "I guess we just got carried away."

"I can let myself out," She blew kisses our way before heading down the hall to the door, "Night, guys."

"Night, Shar," I pasted a smile on her sake, listening for the door to close as I looked at Red, "She's right, it doesn't matter, and if I remember correctly we still have that wine in the kitchen."

He looked at me with a grin and kissed me,

"You know, I think you're right, and that new couch did just get delivered this afternoon."

"Oh, did it?" I grinned, wrapping my arms around him, "I had completely forgotten."

"Then it's a good thing I have an exceptional memory," He scooped me up in his arms, heading toward the living room.

I grinned like I'd just won the lottery, I hated fighting, but making up always made it worth while. By the time we got done christening the couch, I'd forgetten what we were fighting about. The ring was miles away as I lay drifting off to sleep in the arms of the man I loved. It was the perfect end to a perfect night.

I was in a white dress surrounded my hundreds of people I knew and loved, being walked down the isle by my best friend, looking up with a blissful smile on my face. The scream was sudden ,it didn't fit what was going on. I flipped around to see Jamie standing there in the doorway of the church, he was bruised and covered in blood. I stood there in horror as he ripped the ring off my finger and threw it across the room,

"He's coming. You gotta get out now. He can't have you. Not you."
I jerked my hand away ,smeared with blood.

"Who's coming? What do you mean he can't have me?"
There was a thud at the back of the church. Then suddenly I was sitting on the couch with Red's arms around me, franticly trying to get me to calm down,

"Baby, What's wrong? What happened?"

I shook my head and let out the breath I'd been holding,

"Dream, It was just a dream."

"You scared me, sweetie," He wrapped me in his arms and sighed, "You were screaming."

"Sorry," I buried my head in his shoulder, before looking around at the light pouring in through the windows, "What time is it?"

"Almost seven," His arms relaxed a little around me, but didn't let go, "I was about to call and tell them I'd be late, but I'm thinking I should just call in now."

"No," I shook my head, "I'm fine. I just had a little too much wine last night. Wedding jitters and wine don't mix, I guess."

"I don't know," He stroked my hair back, "These dreams keep getting worse, and you're having them a lot more than you used to."

"Really," I ran my hands through my messy hair and sighed, "I'm alright. You didn't make coffee by any chance did you?"

"Yeah, It's in the kitchen," He looked me over and kissed my forehead, "And I'm calling in. I haven't missed a day sinceI started, they'll make it without me."

I watched him head to the bedroom for his phone, as I got off the couch with a stretch. I padded toward the smell of fresh coffee with a look of concern on my own face. If these damn dreams kept up, I'd be wearing a hospital gown before I got to wear my wedding gown. The sun was shining the first rays of light onto the marble countertops as I pulled my cup out of the cabinet, leaning my hip against the counter. I was pouring cream into my coffee when Red made his way back to the kitchen,

"I told them there was a wedding related emergancy, and they told me to handle the missus and take the next few days off."

"You didn't have to do that," I laughed, kissing him with a sleepy smile, "I really am alright now."
"All the better," He wrapped me in his arms, leaning against the counter, "Now I have three days to make sure the wedding I promised you is perfect."

"Uh uh," I shook my head and grinned, "Me and Shari are taking care of the wedding plans. You just make sure the caterer doesn't bring sushi."

"I told him it was salad, not sushi," He shook his head,, "It's not my fault the guy doesn't speak english."

"You just make sure the fish he brings is cooked," I laughed and pulled the fridge open, getting out the left over chicken fried rice from a couple nights ago, "My mother will not eat raw fish."

"I'll make sure it's cooked," He pulled open the cabinet for a cup,"You and Shari can do the flowers and center pieces and all that jazz you guys giggle about."

"It's for the...", I stopped dead when there was a loud crash down the hall, "What was that?"

I set my coffee on the table, and headed down the hall. I stopped when I saw the mess. The table at the end of the hallway looked like it'd been flung, the magazines ,lamp, candles, everything was laying strewn about the hall like they'd been thrown. The hall smelled of good cologne as I eased back a little,

"Red?!"

"What is...", He looked around the hall and pushed me back into the kitchen, "If someone's in here, you call the cops."

I nodded, watching him go from room to room, opening closets and cabinets on the tables. I noticed something sparkling in midst of all the debris, and slowly made my way towards it. I stepped around the broken glass, and pushed the paper away with my foot. I stooped down and picked it up. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a gold ring with tiny diamonds. It was the ring Jamie'd given me when he purposed.The one we'd put pack in the jewelry case in the closet. I stared at it, unable to take my eyes off it, even as Red rounded the corner and made his way back to me,

"Is that what I think it is?"

"It looks like it," I looked up at him with wide eyes, "Did you ...", My voice drifted off.

"Why the hell would I get it down?" He picked it up off my nearly frozen hand, "Even I did, it doesn't explain how the table magically threw itself across the hall."
I looked at the paper and broken glass laying around the hall, the table legs were broken, and the lamp was in a thousand tiny pieces at our feet. I glanced in the bedroom, and sighed,

"The closet door's open again. Did you open it?"

"I closed it after I got dressed this morning," He stood with the ring in his hand like he wanted to throw it across the room.

"Just put it back in the closet, and I'll start on cleaning up this mess," I sighed, heading into the bathroom for the trash can to get the glass out of the floor, when there was a knock at the door.

I sighed and headed toward the consistant knock, opening the door with a deeper sigh when I saw who was on the other side of it,

"Officer Daniels, what a surprize. What can I do for you this morning?"

"Good morning, Miss Mason," He tipped his hat in with a smile, "I've got just a couple more questions if Mr. Rieley has a few minutes."
"Of course," I opened the door and let him past me to the living room,"Red, we have a visitor."
"Who is it?" He called from the bedroom, closing the closet door. "Officer Daniels is here again," I tried for a smile.

"What could they possibly still need to ask?" He made his way back to the living room looking frustrated.

"I do apologize for the inconvience, but this should just take a few minutes," Officer Daniels took a seat across from the couch.

"Of course," I sat a cup of coffee in front of him, "We're always happy to help."
"We appriciate it," He flipped his notebook open and looked at us, "We've found some inconsistantancies, and were wondering if maybe you, Mr. Rieley could answer a few question to help us figure them out."

"Of course," He nodded.

"Did you see anybody with Mr. Graves before his death, we have proof that he was involved in a sexual incounter shortly before he died." The officer looked at me as my eyes grew wide, "I'm sorry, Miss Mason."

"You're mistaken about that," I shook my head,"He was at work before the accident."

"I apologize for the indiscretion, but our forensics team has found evidence of sexual activity about an hour before his death," He scribbled something in his notebook, "Mr. Rieley?"

"Yeah, I knew," Red hung his head, "It was some woman from his office. I worked at the garage down the street, so I used to walk up there and meet him for lunch," He wound his fingers around mine, "I got there early one day, and figured I'd save him a trip downstairs and went up to his office. That's where I saw them. I didn't say anything. I just went back downstair."

"So you saw Mr. Graves with another woman. And this young woman you live with would have been his wife if he'd lived?" The officer looked down at our entangled hands.

"Yes, but we both loved Jamie" Red said through gritted teeth,"Even though he didn't deserve her. I would've never done what I saw him doing. She was too good for him. I hit him. I did hit him. I didn't mean to. It just happened. I couldn't stop myself."
I sat there without another word. Jamie'd been cheating, and Red had known. My eyes teared up as I watched the reaction on Officer Daniels face. It was one of those I-just-put-something-together-looks. I didn't really get it. He said he'd hit him, but that was assault not murder. I looked at Red, and the anger in his face was pure, and it was something I'd never seen before. He'd always seemed so calm and together. The officer looked at him with a blank face and handed us what looked like big cotton swabs,

"We found some dna under Mr. Graves finger nails. We need to check everybody involved. Just to rule everyone out, If you don't mind."

"Of course," I swabbed around inside my cheek and handed it back to him, watching Red do the same, "Is there anything else?"

"I think that's all I need. Thank you for your time," He glanced at me and then back at Red.

I saw Officer Daniels to the door,and looked to see Red wasn't on the couch anymore. I headed back to the hallway and pulled the table into the living room to throw away. The legs were broken, and they were snapped nearly in half. There was no way to fix it and not have to stack books under so it didn't topple over. I grabbed my shoes by the door and slipped them on. There was glass all over the floor, and I didn't want to risk stepping on it and adding blood to the mix, or that's what I told myself as I sat there with teary eyes.

I sighed, and pushed myself off the couch, heading back to the hallway. I stopped when I saw Red standing in of it all, with his head in his hands. I eased toward him watching his shoulders heave as I neared him. I'd known Red since I was sixteen, and not once had I ever seen him cry. It was like seeing an angel fall to his knees and weep, and it brought tears to my own eyes again just seeing it. He looked up at me, tears falling from those beautiful eyes as he spoke,

"What if it is Jamie? What if he...what if he doesn't want us to get married? What if he's pissed off cause you're with me?"
"Jamie wasn't like that," I smoothed his hair back from his face, "He would want us both to be happy. He would want us to do what makes us happy."

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me as tight as he could as the tears flowed down his face. The morning sun fell through the windows on us both as the fear ran from us both like rain. I looked at the man in front of me with his arms so tightly around me, and knew it was time to let Jamie go. This had to end, and it was the only way to keep the ghost of him from destroying what we'd worked so hard to build back after everything had come tumbling down around us. I went that afternoon with Red to the cemetary to put the last piece of him to rest, and give us all peace, and for a while it seemed to work.

I was sitting in the back room at the church with Shari fixing my hair into little ringlets as the guests poured in through the doors weeks later. Things were back to normal again, and I was sitting in a long white silk dress waitting to marry the man who'd been my angel through all the mess we'd been through. You could smell the lilies and roses in the church hall through the door as I stood up and looked at Shari with a smile that was shaky around the edges,

"I can't believe it's really happening."

"I know," Shari looked at me and beamed, pointing to the veil, "It's all so beautiful. Did you see the church hall yet?"

"No," I picked the veil up off the table and handed it to her, "I don't want to risk Red seeing me. It's bad luck remember?"

"I think you two have had all the bad luck you're going to," She put the comb in my hair, trailling the veil down over my face.

"I hope so," I looked around the door and felt the butterflies in my stomach when I saw the church so full, "That's a lot of people, Shari."

"A lot of people who love you and want to see you happy," She pulled me back in and closed the door, "So don't worry, everything's going to be fine."

"I guess it's just wedding jitters," I looked down at the manicure Shari'd insisted on, "My heart is beating so fast right now."

"It's a good thing," She touched up my lipstick, "It's like when you're on a first date, and the butterflies are dancing around in your stomach."

"I hope so," I leaned against the wall to keep from sitting and wrinkling my dress, "I got this bad feeling something's going to happen."

"Something is going to happen," Shari leaned in the mirror, smoothing her hair and checking her make up, "You're going to go in there, and marry the man you love, and be happy enough to make everyone in that room nausous by the time it's over."
"You do have a way with words, honey," I shook my head and laughed, my butterflies having another fluttering fit as I heard the organ music start, "Okay, here we go."

Shari linked my arm with hers and took my hand, moving us to the doorway of the church hall, I could feel all eyes on us as the music moved forward and took us along with it. My hands were shaking as we moved down the isle, through waves of friends and family with tears in their eyes. This was it, this was the moment every girl dreams of with her friends at slumber parties when they're little and running around with their mothers jewerly and make up on. I looked around at the roses and lilies and took in their comforting scent as I made my way to Red at the front of the church. Shari kissed my cheek and took her place with the other brides maids. I stood there, Red linking my shaking hands with his, as the pastor started. I was tearing up by the time he got to the vows, and asked Red to recite the ones he'd written,

"Lily, when we were kids, I promised to take care of you. I told you I would always be there, and through the years I've tried to keep that promise. I never thought in all that time, that one day I'd be looking at you as we headed down the road through the rest of our lives together, but I can think of no one I'd rather take the journey with. With this ring, " He slid the ring on my finger with a teary look in his eyes, "I promise to keep you safe and love you with everything I am. I love you."

I felt the tears spilling down my face as I stood there with him, and looked as the Pastor nodded for me to say my own,

"In all my life, I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with an angel. It hasn't been an easy road for us, but no matter what life put in our path, you were always there to help me pick up the pieces. After everything we've been through, I can't imagine waking up every morning to anyone else, and I can't wait to walk out of this room, and spend the rest of my life with the angel God put in front of me," I slid the gold band onto his finger, "I am thankful for you everyday, and I love you so much."

It was going so well, and I almost didn't notice when a familiar face floated up toward the front. For the first time since they'd started the investigation, I was not friendly,

"Officer Daniels, I have to say, You have the worst timing. We're a little busy."

"I'm sorry, Miss Mason," He looked at the wonderful man in front of me and came up behind him with cuffs, "Mr. Rieley, You're under arrest for the murder of Mr. James Graves."

"What?" I stood there motionless, looking over at Red

"I didn't mean to, Lily," Red looked over at me, "When I found out what he was doing I just....I snapped. He was going leave you for her, he was going to leave both of us for some slut that he fucked in his office. It got out of hand. He went down and stopped breathing..I didn't want to lose you."

I pulled my hand away from him,

"You? You held me at his funeral. You dried my eyes when I couldn't stop crying over him. You...you sick fuck..."

"No," He fought to get my hand back as Officer Daniels slapped the cuffs on his wrists,"I did it for us. I did it for you. I didn't mean to kill him, but when I did I knew it was for the best. That way you never had to find out. You'd never have to hurt over him again."

"I'm so sorry, Miss Mason," Officer Daniels looked over at me with sincerity as they led him outside to the waiting car.

I stood there as Shari wrapped her arms around me as the tears of joy turned to a different kind, and I watched on what should have been the happiest day of my life as the man of my dreams was shown into the back of a cop car for murdering my first love. That was the night the nightmares stopped. That night when I got home, I found the little harley bracelet that Jamie had died wearing on the floor next to the bedroom door. There was no mess, no glass, just a torn piece of newpaper lying next to it on the floor. I picked it up and sat on the couch. The picture was what I couldn't take my eyes off. It was a picture of Jamie's engagement ring lying in a sea of broken glass. It was almost the same scene I'd cleaned out of the hallway only weeks before. I clipped the old harley bracelet onto my wrist, catching a glimpse of something glittering in the sunlight on the window. It was a gold ring with tiny diamonds. It was the engagement ring I'd left on his grave. I sat on the couch, and for the first time since his death I didn't feel alone. I didn't cry, and I didn't grieve. There was a strangely peaceful feeling in my chest as I laid down. It was almost like something whispering in my ear that it was over. That now everything would be okay, and as I should have from the start I listened to that ghostly whisper as I drifted into a peaceful sleep.

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